April 28, 2020
Dear Future Me,
Well, this is going to be a cheesy, sappy letter, but I hope you take some of your past self’s advice (even though I know you’ve never been very good at trusting your own mind). It has been over a month since quarantine started – I honestly couldn’t say what day it started because time seems unreal. It feels like the last several weeks have been in fast forward. I’ve been working nonstop, sometimes over forty-five hours a week and the rest of my time is spent doing homework or worrying about homework I need to get done while I sit doing nothing. I’m pretty much exhausted at all the time and I haven’t stopped to reflect on anything that’s been going on until right now so, here’s what I’m thinking at this very moment. Don’t let your life have no meaning. What I mean by that is to not let yourself be consumed by monotony. For over a month I haven’t even been able to keep my days straight because all I do is go to work, do homework, and that’s it. Knowing myself, and you because I seriously doubt I’m going to spontaneously lose this character trait anytime soon, I can very easily get caught up in comfortability even if it means I’m not happy. I’m finishing my sophomore year of college right now, in quarantine, and I’m feeling bewildered that I’m halfway done with my undergraduate career. I had a very rough freshman year and went through a period of just praying time would go by faster and the year would be over so I could go home. But, simultaneously, I felt so guilty for wishing away the short time I have at Carolina. Sophomore year has been exponentially better, but I still don’t take advantage of a lot of what’s offered to me through school, which is dumb because there’s probably never going to be a time where I’m given so many opportunities again. I’m not involved, and I am worried that I’m wasting precious years that I won’t get back and that I won’t have many memories of my college years. And I know that everyone has a different experience, and these are not going to be the best years of my life, and that a lot of what’s holding me back is good old-fashioned anxiety, but I don’t want to look back and be regretful that I didn’t push myself more. Also, I do recognize how pretentious wanting to live a life with meaning is because so many people don’t have the luxury to ponder about that – they have to work and provide and worry about staying alive. But, don’t let yourself be unhappy your whole life just because change is scary and uncomfortable. F*** the routine, try something new, eat a new food, quit your job, go on a vacation, don’t wish away your time, enjoy your time in school (because just this short stint of working forty hours tells me I’m not ready for a grown up job), and just do what you gotta do and stop feeling guilty about it. Also sleep more and be kind to yourself.
With Love,
Your Past Self
P.S.
This is the vibe.
Be happy.
